When was the last time that I was in awe of God? The last time that He did something so awesome in my life that I had a reverent fear of Him? Well, to be honest, I can think of several times in the past month: the whole exchange between our new house and the renters (still praying for the old house to sell), an incredibly impactful Youth-led Good Friday service, and several moments in the basement with Autumn as she recounts to me visions and dreams she has been having during the night.
Dreams and visions? Yeah, really powerful, glorious visions of bright lights, Jesus, silky hands enshrouded in silky cloth, and people. Lots of people following her and Jesus. She was scared of these dreams at first, but after we talked about them and about what she thought they meant, she has now switched to more of a healthy respect for these dreams and she looks forward to more of them. Why? Because she knows they are from God. God is NOT scary but He can do some pretty amazingly scary-to-us things - including giving us some pretty intense dreams.
I have been in awe of how God is talking to Autumn and relating to her at her level. When she tells me each new dream, it usually brings me to tears. It seems as though God is really preparing her to evangelise. It makes me proud. It makes me fearful of the responsibility to raise them up to be lovers of God. It reminds me of how the disciples of Jesus were afraid many times, and that fear is one of the traits in their lives that made them good disciples.
Friday, April 16, 2004
Thursday, April 15, 2004
EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTERS
MY TOP TEN LIST OF THINGS I GET EMOTIONAL OVER (in no particular order):
1) My wife
2) My family
3) Good music
4) A good dramatic movie
5) God speaking to me
6) God using teenagers
7) Calvary
8) Jesus' love for me
9) Praise and Worship
10) Loss
I guess I would say that I am a pretty emotional guy, in a very weird sort of way. I can lose my composure during the strangest of times (by being overwhelmed to the point of tears in either happiness, awe, or sadness). I lose it almost every time when I see teenagers worshipping God with all they have. I have a hard time holding back the tears at those emotional chick flick movies and I have also been known to laugh myself to tears when I find something particularly funny. Not everyone can say that.
On the other hand, sometimes I wish I could be more emotional. I do not have a "crazy", wild, spontaneous, energetic energy (energetic energy?) that some of my more outgoing sanguine friends have. Sometimes, it is easy for people to label me as stand-off'ish because I am somewhat of an introvert. My high points in the temperament tests are all in the melancholy and phlegmatic personality types. In other words, I am an artsy, laid back-type of person. I am creative, but in a quiet way - until I am given a stage - ha!
That can leave others flustered and confused. Today it is my prayer that God would use the good things about the emotional, creative side of me and chip away at the not-so-good. And even more so, my prayer is that God will open me up to share my pure emotions more freely with others - to not be scared of what other's think. Amen.
1) My wife
2) My family
3) Good music
4) A good dramatic movie
5) God speaking to me
6) God using teenagers
7) Calvary
8) Jesus' love for me
9) Praise and Worship
10) Loss
I guess I would say that I am a pretty emotional guy, in a very weird sort of way. I can lose my composure during the strangest of times (by being overwhelmed to the point of tears in either happiness, awe, or sadness). I lose it almost every time when I see teenagers worshipping God with all they have. I have a hard time holding back the tears at those emotional chick flick movies and I have also been known to laugh myself to tears when I find something particularly funny. Not everyone can say that.
On the other hand, sometimes I wish I could be more emotional. I do not have a "crazy", wild, spontaneous, energetic energy (energetic energy?) that some of my more outgoing sanguine friends have. Sometimes, it is easy for people to label me as stand-off'ish because I am somewhat of an introvert. My high points in the temperament tests are all in the melancholy and phlegmatic personality types. In other words, I am an artsy, laid back-type of person. I am creative, but in a quiet way - until I am given a stage - ha!
That can leave others flustered and confused. Today it is my prayer that God would use the good things about the emotional, creative side of me and chip away at the not-so-good. And even more so, my prayer is that God will open me up to share my pure emotions more freely with others - to not be scared of what other's think. Amen.
Wednesday, April 14, 2004
I DOUBT IT!
Just in case anyone is wondering... I am not feeling overwhelming discouragement, doubt, or any of the other characteristics that have been highlighted in this blog. I am still reading through the "devotion" book by Mike Yaconelli and dwelling on each trait as I get to them. Sorry, didn't mean to freak anyone out.
But, in all reality, I do have doubt in my life. Who doesn't? My biggest (and worst) doubts are about myself. I mean, I love who God made me, and I wouldn't want to be in anyone else's shoes (REALLY), but I don't always feel like I am being the best me either.
I like the response Jesus had for "doubting Thomas" (the poor guy got a bad rap). Jesus didn't shun Thomas for his doubting, but He appeared to Thomas and asked him to shove (literally) his fingers through his nail scarred wrists. Jesus doesn't want us to doubt, but he loves us through it because he knows our faith is so important. And I also think Jesus likes us asking the tough questions. He IS the Answer, right?
But, in all reality, I do have doubt in my life. Who doesn't? My biggest (and worst) doubts are about myself. I mean, I love who God made me, and I wouldn't want to be in anyone else's shoes (REALLY), but I don't always feel like I am being the best me either.
I like the response Jesus had for "doubting Thomas" (the poor guy got a bad rap). Jesus didn't shun Thomas for his doubting, but He appeared to Thomas and asked him to shove (literally) his fingers through his nail scarred wrists. Jesus doesn't want us to doubt, but he loves us through it because he knows our faith is so important. And I also think Jesus likes us asking the tough questions. He IS the Answer, right?
Tuesday, April 13, 2004
DISCOURAGED
Ever had one of those weeks? This one has had it's up and downs. This past weekend, we had the pleasure hosting the best Good Friday service I have ever had the priviledge of being a part of, a wonderful Easter celebration with family and friends, and three days with the kids for spring break. All awesome times...
Then there was some discouraging moments, too - like any other week. Misunderstandings between friends, trouble at the job, the Tallent Street house not selling yet... frustrating stuff. It makes me think of those that went to the empty tomb of Christ after He had risen. They were probably feeling pretty discouraged, too. But look at the outcome.
When I think back at some of the most discouraging times in my life, I see them as defining periods of growth in my life. Not all of us learn from our mistakes, but many of us do. I would even venture as far to say that the best characteristics of who I am grew out of discouraging times.
I guess that old saying, "A light burns even brighter in the midst of darkness", has some truth to it. Thank you, Jesus, that He does not want us to stay discouraged. He is our way out of the darkness, and for that I am blessed.
Then there was some discouraging moments, too - like any other week. Misunderstandings between friends, trouble at the job, the Tallent Street house not selling yet... frustrating stuff. It makes me think of those that went to the empty tomb of Christ after He had risen. They were probably feeling pretty discouraged, too. But look at the outcome.
When I think back at some of the most discouraging times in my life, I see them as defining periods of growth in my life. Not all of us learn from our mistakes, but many of us do. I would even venture as far to say that the best characteristics of who I am grew out of discouraging times.
I guess that old saying, "A light burns even brighter in the midst of darkness", has some truth to it. Thank you, Jesus, that He does not want us to stay discouraged. He is our way out of the darkness, and for that I am blessed.
Thursday, April 08, 2004
BE DARING
I've never been one to sing quietly in church because I am nervous about what others will think. In fact, I don't understand being scared about worshipping in church. Man, if you can't worship with other worshippers, how can one worship God out in the marketplace? To me, there is nothing daring about being Christ-like in the church.
The things I am more scared about is speaking my mind when what I have to say is controversial out in the unchurched world. What happens when I am talking to my new neighbor and he cusses every other sentence? Do I say something? Let it go? Give mercy? Laugh it off? I think disciples are daring... they carry paralytic friends on mats and dig through roofs, they quit their jobs and go for the unknown when they hear God's voice, they speak loudly and boldly. They are not scared of man; they are not man-pleasers -- they are God-pleasers.
I pray that God gives me the courage and boldness to make all those around ME nervous (who don't have a relationship with Jesus). I don't want to worry about what people think. I want what God thinks to be the only thing I am concerned about.
MY TOP THREE LIST OF THINGS THAT I DO THAT ALREADY SCARES OTHERS:
1. I am very free and daring with my hair style (smile)
2. The way I lead or teach when I am playing music (I have been told that I am scary -- go figure)
3. How I rant and holler about "respect" whenever it is "lights out" time at a youth event
What are some ways that I can be more daring for YOU, God? I want to be. Please, let me be. Please, help me be.
The things I am more scared about is speaking my mind when what I have to say is controversial out in the unchurched world. What happens when I am talking to my new neighbor and he cusses every other sentence? Do I say something? Let it go? Give mercy? Laugh it off? I think disciples are daring... they carry paralytic friends on mats and dig through roofs, they quit their jobs and go for the unknown when they hear God's voice, they speak loudly and boldly. They are not scared of man; they are not man-pleasers -- they are God-pleasers.
I pray that God gives me the courage and boldness to make all those around ME nervous (who don't have a relationship with Jesus). I don't want to worry about what people think. I want what God thinks to be the only thing I am concerned about.
MY TOP THREE LIST OF THINGS THAT I DO THAT ALREADY SCARES OTHERS:
1. I am very free and daring with my hair style (smile)
2. The way I lead or teach when I am playing music (I have been told that I am scary -- go figure)
3. How I rant and holler about "respect" whenever it is "lights out" time at a youth event
What are some ways that I can be more daring for YOU, God? I want to be. Please, let me be. Please, help me be.
Tuesday, April 06, 2004
CONFUSED?!?!? UNCLEAR?!?!?
Bella, our two-year-old daughter has been going around singing (sing-shouting?) "Jesus loves me, this I know..." a lot the past few weeks. She has been reminding me in a round-about way that this truth, that Jesus loves me, is something that I need evident in my life. If I can wrap my head, my thoughts, around the fact that Jesus loves me, then I have grabbed on to a significant truth that I know is absolute.
All of the other things that I am not as certain about, such as seemingly "unanswered prayers", hurts, and frustrations fall to the wayside when I realize that I can put my trust in God regardless of how I perceive things. My confusion and lack of total clarity in ALL things is not necessary. I know God wants to fill me in on His plans (and I am constantly learning how to better tune in to what He has to say), but I am okay with the questions that have yet to be answered. Like, the BIG QUESTIONS in my life right now: "How come the renters had to back out of their contract on our E. Tallent Street property?" "What will we do if the house doesn't sell?" "How will we be able to handle two mortgages?" These are my tough questions.
But do you know what? I believe that we covered our path in prayer and that God will not lead us astray. I have this strange feeling of hope and an inner sense of peace that I know can only come from God. If I looked at this situation in the natural, I would be falling to pieces. May God help me be satisfied in the time-being with the "not-knowing". Help me, Father, to learn to trust You even more.
All of the other things that I am not as certain about, such as seemingly "unanswered prayers", hurts, and frustrations fall to the wayside when I realize that I can put my trust in God regardless of how I perceive things. My confusion and lack of total clarity in ALL things is not necessary. I know God wants to fill me in on His plans (and I am constantly learning how to better tune in to what He has to say), but I am okay with the questions that have yet to be answered. Like, the BIG QUESTIONS in my life right now: "How come the renters had to back out of their contract on our E. Tallent Street property?" "What will we do if the house doesn't sell?" "How will we be able to handle two mortgages?" These are my tough questions.
But do you know what? I believe that we covered our path in prayer and that God will not lead us astray. I have this strange feeling of hope and an inner sense of peace that I know can only come from God. If I looked at this situation in the natural, I would be falling to pieces. May God help me be satisfied in the time-being with the "not-knowing". Help me, Father, to learn to trust You even more.
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