MIKELLA JOINS THE FAMILY

...the perfect stocking stuffer! I had to wear a face mask because of a cold that I was fighting. I also kept my leather coat on (and zipped up to the top) because it was freezing cold by the window -- where my "bed" was.

ALL RIGHT, ALREADY!

The due date (December 27th) is quickly approaching, but not fast enough, or so it seems.

We have been in the hospital a couple of times this past week hoping that each time we would be leaving with a baby. Deanna has been dilated to 3 and the baby 50% effaced for at least a week now. She has been having contractions less than five minutes apart almost continuously for the past two to three weeks. They just haven't been strong enough.

Or course, by now, we are both more than ready to have a baby. Deanna, more than likely, even more so than myself. Please pray with us for a quick delivery... "quick delivery" meaning that the "delivery comes quickly"!!! (Smile)

STILL BEING THANKFUL

Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

I've been thinking about the pilgrims lately. They went through a lot of tough stuff early on in their American history. I think that the pilgrims really understood what is meant by the above verse found in 1 Thessalonians. Perhaps what they understood is that the Bible does not call them to be thankful for all things, but in all things. We can always be thankful that God is with us and has a greater plan in mind than we can see or imagine.

I'm writing this coming from the hospital. Deanna and I went in again to have her contractions monitored (the second time this week). Everything ended up okay, I guess. They ended up putting her on bed-rest and changing her prescription drug to slow the contractions. The thing is that, no matter how insignificant or quick the visit may be to the doctors and nurses, it always seems like a big deal when you are the "Daddy" and you are concerned for your new unborn baby and mother.

I'm also writing this as I see a lot of people that are surrounding me going through some pretty tough stuff.

Thankfulness is an attitude. It is a condition of the heart.

I am thankful for my soon-to-be newborn baby and Deanna. I am thankful for Amy, who stayed at our house and watched our girls while we were there. I am thankful for my parents who, I know, have been praying for me since I was a baby boy. Come to think of it, there is a lot more thankfulness in my heart than I maybe give myself credit for.

I do want to be careful, though, and make sure that I always do my best to keep my heart conditioned to be thankful. God help me...

THANKSGIVING SERVICE

For if you give, you will get! Your gift will return to you in full and overflowing measure, pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, and running over. Whatever measure you use to give—large or small—will be used to measure what is given back to you. Luke 6:38, Living Bible

Last night, our family attended Destiny Foursquare's annual Thanksgiving Service. I was blown away by the spirit of joy and thankfulness that was present; especially since there has been some pretty "tough stuff" going on in a lot of people's lives as of recent. But, then again, I think it was an awesome picture of God's grace and mercy. I teared up so many times, there was no reason to try and hide it. God is so amazing!

I also read the following today; it impacted me more than the other times I had read it in the past:

People are unreasonable, illogical and self-centered. Love them anyway.

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish motives. Do good anyway.

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable. Be honest anyway.

The biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest people with the smallest minds. Think big anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight. Build anyway.

People really need help but may turn against you if you help them. Help them anyway.

Give the world the best you have and you may get kicked in the teeth. Give the world the best you've got anyway.*

I really saw a clear picture of what I believe is a healthy, "servant-hearted" church last night. There were so many people there that, as I looked out across the audience, I know were world-changers. Not just in title, but in reward. They have sown and they have reaped. What a blessed life it is to serve with a bunch of people like those at Destiny.

WAITING

But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint. lsaiah 40:31 RSV

I’ve been learning a lot about waiting. I don't like to wait and I don't wait very well. I'm the guy who is always looking at his watch if anything is behind schedule. I can lose my temper faster by someone "making me late" over almost any other thing. I will probably even go and vote early to avoid waiting in lines on November 2nd.

But what I've been learning, and learning for a while now, by the way, is that slowing down offers us luxuries that our fast paced lives cannot offer us. I have a love / hate relationship with my Palm Pilot. Right now I "hate" it because the screen is busted, but there are times that I cling to the schedule displayed on that screen more than I should. It takes a concerted effort to put God and my family first in my life and in my schedule. It is not something that just comes easy because I am in the ministry. Sometimes, I wonder if being in the ministry makes spending time with God harder.

When I slow down, I enjoy playing with my daughters and doing crazy, unnecessary, fun things that will create memories to last a lifetime. When I slow down, I remember how blessed I am to have Deanna in my life; I fall upon the reasons that I fell in love with her and I fall in love with her again. When I really take time to slow down and wait... I find myself face to face with my Creator and find that He has been doing a lot of waiting on me, too. He talks to me, He tells me secrets of the hearts, and fills my life with purpose.

God help me today, to slow down. And even though this may seem contradictory, Lord, I think You and I know the wisdom of Palm Pilots. Can You "heal" mine, please? Thank you! Amen.

GOING DEEPER:

What's the message in Psalm 27:14?
I think it is very interesting that it reads, "Wait..." and then says, "...be strong and let your heart take courage". This implies that being strong is in letting go of yourself and letting your "heart" be the strength in your times of waiting.

PSALM OF PRAISE: I waited patiently for the LORD's help; then He listened to me and heard my cry. He pulled me out of a dangerous pit, out of the deadly quicksand. He set me safely on a rock and made me secure. He taught me to sing a new song, a song of praise to our God. Many who see this will take warning and will put their trust in the LORD. Psalm 40:1-3

WHAT A WASTE?

"Much is required from those to whom much is given, and much more is required from those to whom much more is given." Luke 12:48b (NLT)

I read the following great story in my devotional time today:

The young people that made up this "blue-collar" youth group were seething at their youth pastor as he stood in front of them, burning a twenty-dollar bill. Repeatedly, he would set fire to the bill, let a bit of it burn and then blow out the flame. Repeatedly, he would ask the question: "Is the bill still worth twenty-dollars?" The kids thought their youth pastor was crazy! They begged him to stop -- to give the money to them -- before it was too late and the bill was worthless. The students yelled in frustration as the money finally disappeared into ashes. Then, the youth pastor asked, "How many of you are treating the life God gave you in the same way?" The atmosphere of the group changed immediately as the kids fell into an introspective silence.

Wow! What a clincher! What am I doing with the life God gave me?

I actually found myself asking this question tonight after watching "!Hero, the Rock Opera" at the church. The story is a modern-day depiction of Jesus as if He were born in Bethlehem, PENNSYLVANIA... It moves me every time. The presentation itself was ten-years in the making. Eddie DeGarmo, the one who originated the concept, has been working long and hard to make this God-dream a reality.

What am I doing with my God-dreams? I know I have them... but am I thinking about them enough? Do I need to challenge my flesh and let go of myself more than I do? Probably. Lord, help me.

LOVING LIFE

David said about him: "I saw the Lord always before me. Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will live in hope, because You will not abandon me to the grave, nor will You let Your Holy One see decay. You have made known to me the paths of life; You will fill me with joy in Your presence." Acts 2:25-28

Today is Autumn's 10th birthday. I woke her up this morning with a playful hug and a cheerful "Happy Birthday". She wasn't so cheerful right away; she usually isn't... kind of slow at being cheerful in the morning. (I know that's hard for some of you to imagine!) But after she was up for a while, you could see the excitement in her eyes for the day. She couldn't wait to get to school, share the cupcakes Deanna had stayed up late cooking, pass out invitations to her weekend party, etc. She was living for the moment and everyone around her could sense it!

So what's Acts 2:25-28 speaking to me today? It speaks to me of the joys of life! Right now, I am an extremely busy man. The dates on my Palm Pilot are so full, I wonder if it is gonna crash the next time I open the software. But regardless of what the calendar says (or the piles of paper in my office), I have joy in life because of a greater hope. Because death has been conquered for me and the sheer fact that I have the presence of God living in and spilling out of me!

What keeps me going? It is not coffee... it is not music... it is not money... it is the joy of living out the life that God created me for. Breathe life in -- it smells REALLY good!

GOING DEEPER:

1. Are there any areas of your life that you take too seriously? List them and give them to God.

It is definitely easy for me to get caught up in deadlines, to-do lists, and filled up calendars. Today, God, I ask You to please take these kinds of stresses out of my life. I don't want to call these tasks "futile" -- the things that fill up my organizational tools are mostly for the Kingdom or for my family -- but I do want to recognize that without YOU FIRST in my life, the pressures can easily weigh me down. Father, You are my JOY, my HOPE, and I put my TRUST in You. I love you, Lord. AMEN.

PSALM OF PRAISE: Protect me, O God; I trust in You for safety. I say to the LORD, "You are my Lord; all the good things I have come from You." How excellent are the LORD's faithful people! My greatest pleasure is to be with them. Those who rush to other gods bring many troubles on themselves. I will not take part in their sacrifices; I will not worship their gods. You, LORD, are all I have, and You give me all I need; my future is in Your hands. How wonderful are Your gifts to me; how good they are! Psalm 16:1-6

BACK IN THE ACT

Well, we are now back in ministry and action in Rapid City, SD. The last day of the NYW Convention was just as good as all of the rest. We spent the rest of Monday evening with an aunt of mine that I hadn't seen in ages. We played in the ocean and went to eat at a nice seafood place on the shoreline. Tuesday morning, we got up at 4 am and flew half of the day -- to get us to Omaha, NE -- and drove the rest of the way -- to get us home. It was good travel conditions all the way and I also appreciated spending some time in conversation with my good friend, Dan. We were rocking out to some really loud music for the drive from Sioux Falls to Rapid City. Good times!

Wednesday morning, I was back in the office with a large To-Do List of things that need to get done before this weekend. I am still working on it... But that didn't shake my anticipation for last night's service. I couldn't wait to get back and see the youth and share some of the passion that had been rubbed off on us during the past couple of weeks. It was indeed incredible. Now, I am hurriedly putting together the last few week's of Elevate Electric, which were never sent out due to my not having internet access while we were away. I should probably get back to it...

SUNDAY WITH CHRIS TOMLIN

This morning, I got up and went straight to a very excellent Doug Field’s workshop that re-ignited all of my passions for youth ministry all over again. Lots of great, funny pictures, practical advice, and tools. The rest of the day brought a lot of fun with a great concert from Audio Adrenaline, in which I got to help Mark, the lead singer, along with one of his songs (he pointed the microphone in my face). We adjusted well to the worship led by the more contemplative, ethereal music of Something Like Silas. They are a tight band with what appears to be real hearts for ministry and worship. I even got to attend a seminar by one of my favorite all-time resourcers for youth ministry, Jonathan McKee, titled “Reaching the Unchurched Teenager”.

The evening ended with a concert from Chris Tomlin and Steven Curtis Chapman. I went for the Chris part of the show; we were joking around calling him “Christ Omlin” before it all got started. After the evening, we were all amazed at how full of God we felt after the show. I love to worship with him; what an incredible anointing he has for leading others in worship. WOW! I’m gonna recommend YS to bring him back again next year as one of the convention worship leaders. I missed him this year.

Of course, I am leaving a lot of other fun stuff out. Hanging out with youth workers is ALWAYS an experience in itself. I can’t tell you how many times we were all in tears from laughing at dinner conversations or late-night talks before we lay down for the night. There was also the ministry talk – sharing about our dreams and hopes for future ministry. Deanna and I were so happy that Dan and Amy were able to come along this year. We hope they – and some more of our volunteer team – are able to make it again next year.

MORE CONVENTION THOUGHTS

I ran out of time this morning, so now I continue… After we were finished at Disneyland, we ordered some pizza at the hotel room and eventually got to bed in expectations of all that was to come from the next day – the start of the convention.

Dan and I both chose to go to the “Training Volunteers for Middle School Ministry” as our first seminar. It was incredible, although I could say that same thing about almost every session I have experienced after it, also. Chap Clark has definitely become another trusted friend in ministry. There were so many practical things that I wrote down in the first seminar that it alone would have been worth the whole trip. I couldn’t believe that this was “only the beginning” of the convention.

The first general session was a great celebration and explosion of multimedia, music, drama, preaching, and JESUS that I have come to love and expect from every NYWC. The David Crowder Band has been faithful to lead us into heart-wrenching worship at every session up through tonight’s (General Session #4). I was in tears every time and I LOVED IT! Waves of emotion flooded over me during each time of worship and throughout several of the workshops. I could tell that this convention was exactly what I needed right now in my life. It has been one of those weeks where every speaker and every artist seems to be speaking just to me and to my personal needs. God has been speaking very directly into my life from the very start.

Sarah Kelly’s performance blew all of us away. She has an incredibly powerful voice and a very strong stage presence. I think we were all surprised by it. The Skit Guys also provided very cool, thought-provoking, poignant sketches during two of the four general sessions (so far). Rob Bell, the 1st general session speaker, spoke about making truth relevant to the postmodern generation. He did such a good job that he has become my favorite speaker of the whole convention up to this point. It was the first time I had ever heard him, but I hope it won’t be the last.

My second seminar was “Keeping Your Marriage and Ministry Healthy” with Jim Burns. He is a family ministry expert whose resources I use frequently in ministering to families and parents of teens. It was an honor to be in his seminar and hear his heart and personal stories about keeping my marriage a priority in my life. He stated that the three most highly stressful “jobs” in America, as of a recent report, were #1) those in the medical field, #2) those in ministry, and #3) stay-at-home moms. He pointed out that since ministering to children and youth are such an effective way to further the kingdom of God (over 85% of those that come to Christ do so before the age of 15), he stated that an obvious target for the Devil is families for those who minister in these areas. Everything that he had to say made a lot of sense to me. I am very glad that I attended and am going to put a few of his principles to work in my marriage immediately.

Notice that Deanna is involved in two-out-of-three of the most stressful “jobs”. She has been my hero this weekend. I know that the added stress of being pregnant on this trip has slowed her down, but she has been a real trooper, making it to a majority of the sessions regardless. A real feat considering all of the walking we have to do to get anywhere around here.

General session #2 highlighted ministry from hip-hop poetry artist, Judah Israel, and Mike Lewis, the Jesus Painter. Toby Mac was my personal artist highlight so far. It was the concert I had always dreamed of when thinking about coming to a Toby show. I had wanted to see him live ever since he went solo. After Toby Mac, Dan and I ventured over to rave worship artist, Andy Hunter leading a time of techno-rave worship for the Late Night Live event. It was quite the experience. It looked like and sounded like a dance club, but felt like a moving worship moment. Very touching!

In the morning, we got up and went our separate ways to several different seminars. Deanna had to rest a bit from swelling she was experiencing in her legs and feet. She stopped by Target to pick us all up some fruit and various snacks. The workshop I went to this morning – Saturday – was with Jim Burns for the second time titled, “The Role of Rites of Passage and Mentoring in Youth Ministry”. Again, tons of very practical advice that I can’t wait to integrate into our ministry. Very cool stuff.

The afternoon super seminar I spent with Al Menconi, who I feel is an old friend because I have been following his ministry since our start in youth ministry. This was the first time I had seen him in person, though, and now I admire his ministry even more. It was a good, albeit shorter than what was expected, seminar titled “Teaching Your Students How to Think, Not What to Think” in regards to media and pop culture. It made me want to go home and construct a similar seminar for parents and students. Maybe in the near future…

The evening general session (#4) was our last time of worship with the David Crowder Band (incredible as always). My personal favorite moment of the evening, though, was when Tim Hughes took the stage. He sang a new song off of his just-released album, “When Silence Falls” and two of his well-known worship songs, “Here I am to Worship” and “Beautiful One”. I found myself wishing he was leading worship for the rest of the convention.

Well, it is late and we have another very full day ahead of us tomorrow. I can’t wait!!!

NATIONAL YOUTH WORKER'S CONVENTION HIGHLIGHTS

So much has happened already that I am sure that I cannot recall it all. What a trip! Now I remember why this is our favorite trip every year.

This year added a little side-fun to the mix, also, with a trip to the across-the-street Disneyland theme parks (yes, there are two of them now). We arrived on Thursday at about 10 am (Disney time), checked into our hotel, found a cool place to eat, took a short nap, and then went to the “magical kingdom”.

It was an excellent day for visiting the “happiest place on the earth”. The weather was favorable and the lines were short. We were able to hit every major attraction within the park in our allotted four-hours that our twilight tickets would allow us be there. Of course, we made a stop into a gift shop to pick up mouse ears for our two oldest girls. We picked out a pirate’s hat for “Captain Bella”.

We do need to do it again sometime as Deanna wasn’t able to get the full experience because of our little one inside of her. She was unable to go on several of the bigger, funner rides. As for the rides, my personal favorite, by far, was the Indiana Jones themed ride – very cool! The scariest ride (I’m scared to bring up the memories of it even now) was “It’s a Small World After All”. This attraction was almost like a never ending hell of some sort. Aaaaack! It truly was the song that NEVER ended… and there were several hundred similar looking children singing that blasted song every time we entered each new room – all 7 or 8 of them!

I GOT A TICKET THIS MORNING & POST-POLE RALLY THOUGHTS

Yup, on my way to the office this morning I was pulled over for not having my licence plate displayed on the front side of my vehicle. The front licence plate holder had broken off one day on our low-clearance driveway (at our old E. Tallent driveway). Oh well, I have ten days to correct it before I get a "real" ticket.

Last night, we had an incredible post-See You @ the Pole Rally, as we teamed up with Bethel Assembly of God to celebrate what had happened through the prayers of the students that morning. Berry, Chris, Bill, and Stuart came to help with the worship. I threw together a quick video with Deanna's 1 minute and 40 seconds of footage, but I was disappointed by the final showing. My little laptop didn't have the display capabilities to make it run smooth. It ended up being pretty distorted.

Everything else went excellently. Pastor Greg and Pastor Deanna shared from their hearts, the worship took us into the throneroom of God, and the ministry time brought tears to student's and student leader's eyes alike. We all enthusiastically agreed that we should meet again.

Get this: there were over 70 kids at the rally! 36 of them were Elevate students and leaders! Wow!

IT'S BEEN A WHILE

It's been a while since I've felt like I've had the time to journal online. This is the beginning of another school year and hence, the beginning of my early mornings at work again -- my favorite time and place to spend with God and journal. My hopes are to be much more consistent at blogging once more.

Right now, my big spiritual desire (at least, I'm pretty sure it is spiritual) is to become better equipped at mentoring my own children. I just purchased Focus on the Family's book "Parent's Guide to the Spiritual Growth of Children - Helping Your Child Develop a Personal Faith". You guessed it -- with a title that long, you know the book has to be at least 400 pages (451, to be exact). I'm digging it, though. I'm excited about being both their father and spiritual leader. I believe there is a strong call of God on parents to do this and I am ready for the equipping.

I am thankful for everything that God has put in my life: a wonderful family, great friends, a great "job" / ministry, and lots of insanely awesome experiences. My prayer today is that my faith would continue to grow.

My desire is Him first, and everything else later...

DREAMS AND VISIONS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT

When was the last time that I was in awe of God? The last time that He did something so awesome in my life that I had a reverent fear of Him? Well, to be honest, I can think of several times in the past month: the whole exchange between our new house and the renters (still praying for the old house to sell), an incredibly impactful Youth-led Good Friday service, and several moments in the basement with Autumn as she recounts to me visions and dreams she has been having during the night.

Dreams and visions? Yeah, really powerful, glorious visions of bright lights, Jesus, silky hands enshrouded in silky cloth, and people. Lots of people following her and Jesus. She was scared of these dreams at first, but after we talked about them and about what she thought they meant, she has now switched to more of a healthy respect for these dreams and she looks forward to more of them. Why? Because she knows they are from God. God is NOT scary but He can do some pretty amazingly scary-to-us things - including giving us some pretty intense dreams.

I have been in awe of how God is talking to Autumn and relating to her at her level. When she tells me each new dream, it usually brings me to tears. It seems as though God is really preparing her to evangelise. It makes me proud. It makes me fearful of the responsibility to raise them up to be lovers of God. It reminds me of how the disciples of Jesus were afraid many times, and that fear is one of the traits in their lives that made them good disciples.

EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTERS

MY TOP TEN LIST OF THINGS I GET EMOTIONAL OVER (in no particular order):

1) My wife
2) My family
3) Good music
4) A good dramatic movie
5) God speaking to me
6) God using teenagers
7) Calvary
8) Jesus' love for me
9) Praise and Worship
10) Loss

I guess I would say that I am a pretty emotional guy, in a very weird sort of way. I can lose my composure during the strangest of times (by being overwhelmed to the point of tears in either happiness, awe, or sadness). I lose it almost every time when I see teenagers worshipping God with all they have. I have a hard time holding back the tears at those emotional chick flick movies and I have also been known to laugh myself to tears when I find something particularly funny. Not everyone can say that.

On the other hand, sometimes I wish I could be more emotional. I do not have a "crazy", wild, spontaneous, energetic energy (energetic energy?) that some of my more outgoing sanguine friends have. Sometimes, it is easy for people to label me as stand-off'ish because I am somewhat of an introvert. My high points in the temperament tests are all in the melancholy and phlegmatic personality types. In other words, I am an artsy, laid back-type of person. I am creative, but in a quiet way - until I am given a stage - ha!

That can leave others flustered and confused. Today it is my prayer that God would use the good things about the emotional, creative side of me and chip away at the not-so-good. And even more so, my prayer is that God will open me up to share my pure emotions more freely with others - to not be scared of what other's think. Amen.

I DOUBT IT!

Just in case anyone is wondering... I am not feeling overwhelming discouragement, doubt, or any of the other characteristics that have been highlighted in this blog. I am still reading through the "devotion" book by Mike Yaconelli and dwelling on each trait as I get to them. Sorry, didn't mean to freak anyone out.

But, in all reality, I do have doubt in my life. Who doesn't? My biggest (and worst) doubts are about myself. I mean, I love who God made me, and I wouldn't want to be in anyone else's shoes (REALLY), but I don't always feel like I am being the best me either.

I like the response Jesus had for "doubting Thomas" (the poor guy got a bad rap). Jesus didn't shun Thomas for his doubting, but He appeared to Thomas and asked him to shove (literally) his fingers through his nail scarred wrists. Jesus doesn't want us to doubt, but he loves us through it because he knows our faith is so important. And I also think Jesus likes us asking the tough questions. He IS the Answer, right?

DISCOURAGED

Ever had one of those weeks? This one has had it's up and downs. This past weekend, we had the pleasure hosting the best Good Friday service I have ever had the priviledge of being a part of, a wonderful Easter celebration with family and friends, and three days with the kids for spring break. All awesome times...

Then there was some discouraging moments, too - like any other week. Misunderstandings between friends, trouble at the job, the Tallent Street house not selling yet... frustrating stuff. It makes me think of those that went to the empty tomb of Christ after He had risen. They were probably feeling pretty discouraged, too. But look at the outcome.

When I think back at some of the most discouraging times in my life, I see them as defining periods of growth in my life. Not all of us learn from our mistakes, but many of us do. I would even venture as far to say that the best characteristics of who I am grew out of discouraging times.

I guess that old saying, "A light burns even brighter in the midst of darkness", has some truth to it. Thank you, Jesus, that He does not want us to stay discouraged. He is our way out of the darkness, and for that I am blessed.

BE DARING

I've never been one to sing quietly in church because I am nervous about what others will think. In fact, I don't understand being scared about worshipping in church. Man, if you can't worship with other worshippers, how can one worship God out in the marketplace? To me, there is nothing daring about being Christ-like in the church.

The things I am more scared about is speaking my mind when what I have to say is controversial out in the unchurched world. What happens when I am talking to my new neighbor and he cusses every other sentence? Do I say something? Let it go? Give mercy? Laugh it off? I think disciples are daring... they carry paralytic friends on mats and dig through roofs, they quit their jobs and go for the unknown when they hear God's voice, they speak loudly and boldly. They are not scared of man; they are not man-pleasers -- they are God-pleasers.

I pray that God gives me the courage and boldness to make all those around ME nervous (who don't have a relationship with Jesus). I don't want to worry about what people think. I want what God thinks to be the only thing I am concerned about.

MY TOP THREE LIST OF THINGS THAT I DO THAT ALREADY SCARES OTHERS:

1. I am very free and daring with my hair style (smile)
2. The way I lead or teach when I am playing music (I have been told that I am scary -- go figure)
3. How I rant and holler about "respect" whenever it is "lights out" time at a youth event

What are some ways that I can be more daring for YOU, God? I want to be. Please, let me be. Please, help me be.

CONFUSED?!?!? UNCLEAR?!?!?

Bella, our two-year-old daughter has been going around singing (sing-shouting?) "Jesus loves me, this I know..." a lot the past few weeks. She has been reminding me in a round-about way that this truth, that Jesus loves me, is something that I need evident in my life. If I can wrap my head, my thoughts, around the fact that Jesus loves me, then I have grabbed on to a significant truth that I know is absolute.

All of the other things that I am not as certain about, such as seemingly "unanswered prayers", hurts, and frustrations fall to the wayside when I realize that I can put my trust in God regardless of how I perceive things. My confusion and lack of total clarity in ALL things is not necessary. I know God wants to fill me in on His plans (and I am constantly learning how to better tune in to what He has to say), but I am okay with the questions that have yet to be answered. Like, the BIG QUESTIONS in my life right now: "How come the renters had to back out of their contract on our E. Tallent Street property?" "What will we do if the house doesn't sell?" "How will we be able to handle two mortgages?" These are my tough questions.

But do you know what? I believe that we covered our path in prayer and that God will not lead us astray. I have this strange feeling of hope and an inner sense of peace that I know can only come from God. If I looked at this situation in the natural, I would be falling to pieces. May God help me be satisfied in the time-being with the "not-knowing". Help me, Father, to learn to trust You even more.

ON HIATUS...

Some of you are probably wondering what has happened. "You start a blog and finish after a couple of posts?!?"

No... the problem is that my home PC is disconnected right now for our impending move to our new house. We should be back up and running by early next week. See you then!

HOW TO BE CLUELESS

God may not have always given me everything I think He should have (like I deserve to receive anything from God anyway), but I am still sure that God is real. The mystery of being a disciple of Jesus is that as you grow closer to Him, the more you get to know Him, the more you realize how much you don't know about Him. Friendship with Jesus is a continuous growing process in which God becomes both more familiar and more mysterious at the same time.

"May God give you the understanding that you don't need to understand Him in order to love Him." - Mike Yaconelli

I am sure that God is real because I have experienced a relationship with Him. I have felt His presence, seen His glory, known His truth, heard His voice, and have felt his touch. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God exists because I know He has worked miracles in my life and in the life of my family. No, everything is NOT always fine-and-dandy in our lives. Right now, as a matter of fact, Deanna and I are praying fervently that our house sells quickly so that we aren't stuck with two mortgages (our contractual renters backed out on us right after we secured the mortgage on our new house). But, do you know what? I do not have any fear. I can't explain it other than the fact that I know God has his hands over my household. I can reliably put my trust, my hopes, AND my fears in Him and know that His plans are the best for us.

It is easy to become clueless... just follow God for a while. The disciples were a good picture of "clueless" in the Bible. My goal is to not become a person who "has all the answers". Those kinds of people were the ones that Jesus called "nasty names" in the Bible. I want to know Jesus more intimately so that I can become more secure in my questions - that He is my Answer.

THE ACT OF BEING "CALLED"

So, if Jesus came up to me and sat at my dinner table and said, "I've been taking a look at your life, and I'm really pleased so far. Based on the gifts I've given you and what I need done in the world, I think I'd like you to..." Hmmm... how would He finished the sentence?

"Disciples are more than just people who believe in Jesus - they're people who follow Him by listening to how they're made..." This is my favorite quote from today's devotional reading.

Psalm 139's use of the word "investigate" (in the Message translation) also really jumped out at me today. Verses 1 and 2 read, "GOD, investigate my life; get all the facts firsthand. I'm an open book to You; even from a distance, You know what I'm thinking."

Wow! Do I ever ask God to investigate my life? That's a pretty deep thought. Do I want Him to? Probably not every day, like I should, but I really do want Him to have free reign in my life. Part of that would involve a daily "investigation" of my life. It's not like He doesn't already know all about me - He created me and knows me fully, but it is the act of me making a conscious decision to "allow" Him in - to "allow" Him full access - to want to "cleaned up" and "efficient" for kingdom use.

To finish off Jesus' sentence at the dinner table... let me first start by writing down my "TOP 10 THINGS I DO BECAUSE THEY 'FEEL RIGHT'". Not just things that I enjoy, but things in my life that I feel naturally gifted for and are easily incorporated into my life. Things that bring me feelings of joy and accomplishment (that are essentially part of what God has put in the fiber of "me"):

1) Love my wife and family
2) Prepare biblical messages for ministering to youth
3) Read / study books, magazines, and web sites
4) Study pop culture
5) Listen to Music
6) Play, write, and arrange music
7) Write, journal, share my thoughts with others
8) Web design
9) Play / have fun
10) Relax

So, Jesus continues by saying, "...based on the gifts I've given you and what I need done in the world, I think I'd like you to bring to focus the things that you are already doing that I have called you to. Don't neglect your giftings. Make time to grow and mature in Me and in the abilities that I have given you. Write songs, write books, write sketches. Become more adamant about drawing out your creative skills. They are a reflection of My creativity. Don't settle for 2nd best, cheap imitations. Let Me be your inspiration."

BOLDNESS

If there's one thing that I have always prayed to God for, is has been boldness. My personality has always been a little bit leaning towards the introverted (quiet, shy) side. My wonderful wife has really helped me break out of a lot of that shell, but it is also easy for me to revert back to the old ways.

I guess the question I need to ask is "if going down this path with Jesus could get me hurt and cause trouble (Jesus said it probably would), why choose this path?" I choose it because I want to live my life with purpose; Jesus is the person who can give me the most fulfilling purpose for my life - even if it does bring persecution. I choose to walk the path of righteousness because Jesus did, and he suffered much more than I ever will. God deserves what little sacrifices I have to offer. I choose to be bold, even when it is not easy.

GOD'S WILL: HOW TO FIND IT AND WHY IT MATTERS

Not the best week in my life to start a devotional blog, it seems. (smile) My normal devotional time was interrupted today by the need to get some things done early this morning in preparation for moving into our new house. Hence, I am up late reading a devotional article on RelevantMagazine.com. This is the one I read:

GOD'S WILL: HOW TO FIND IT AND WHY IT MATTERS :: RELEVANT magazine

I am big on figuring out what we are here for - finding out what the bigger picture is and hopefully, getting the blueprint from God. I know He wants to share His plans with us; we just have to want to find out what they are. I believe that God wants to do great things in EVERYONE's lives because He just doesn't plan anything that isn't GREAT! When great things aren't happening in our lives (kingdom things), I always wonder if it is because we haven't spent the time listening to what His intent was for us.

FIRST POST: A DEVOTION ON AUTHORITY

GREETS,

Well, I am starting a lot of new things in my life at about this time. I have just started a brand new accountability relationship with a good friend and youth ministry volunteer. Then, yesterday, Deanna and I closed on our second house purchase since we married in 1997, and, well... I also decided it was time for me to start journaling again and I thought that this would be a cool way to do it. I am not much for hand-writing anything anymore. It is so much easier and quicker to t-y-p-e things for me.

Anyhow, I kind of wanted to create this blog to be an accountability tool for myself. A map, of sorts, of my soul searching with God. Right now, I am currently spending some time reading a very cool devotional book written by one of my youth ministry heroes, Mike Yaconelli. It is titled, "devotion. a raw-truth journal on following Jesus". Today's reading was the second one out of thirty and it's focus was on authority.

I think a lot of times we forget about the authority that God wants us to have in our daily walk. We are supposed to be people of influence (Jesus sure was). I want to live my life with the full realization that I can choose the kind of life I live. I can choose what I believe. I can choose to control myself - or not. I have complete authority over my decisions. I can choose to be a person of authority - that people look up to and come to for answers when they seek help. Who wouldn't want that?

Here's my TOP TEN LIST of the TOP TEN THING I DO EVERY DAY THAT ARE MY CHOICE:

1) Spend time with God in Scripture and devotional reading
2) Spend time with God in prayer (pray continuously)
3) Express love to my wife and kids
4) Show that #3 is true by reserving time with family for fun and memory-making
5) Be a disciple of God, in a true sence of the word
6) Check and respond to e-mail
7) Journaling (although this is a new one for me)
8) Try to eat healthy
9) Stay active
10) Never waste time - time is precious!

... a list that is much harder to do than it is to write. Lord, help me to walk out Your authority in my life.